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11-10-2020 11:55 AM - edited 11-10-2020 12:01 PM
11-10-2020 11:55 AM - edited 11-10-2020 12:01 PM
Help for a Carer with no workable plan
Hi, my 78 year old mother is mentally ill (she has been my entire life) and now also very forgetful. My father died late last year, she is still grieving and with COVID struggling to find her way. She is pretty self sufficient but relies on my heavily for company. She gets depressed and sometimes threatens suicide. Since she has done this constantly for the 56 years I have been alive I believe it is a way for her to verbalise how bad she is feeling. In her happier moments she agrees. This threat triggers my brother badly and he gets angry. I am tired. I work etc. I find it very hard to times feel compassion towards her. I understand everything intellectually but she is so unlike me I struggle when she is down. I no longer know how to manage this situation now Dad has died. We used to work together. She refuses all normal avenues of help. I am not even sure what I am asking LOL. Any tips greatly appreciated. She is a depressive, bi polar and has psychotic episodes. She was also given deep sleep therapy with huge doses of barbituates and shock therapy around 1967. I would feel better if I had a plan I could swing into action.
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11-10-2020 02:52 PM
11-10-2020 02:52 PM
Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan
Hello @RB3 and welcome to the forum
letting you know that you are not alone my friend
I have just become a carer for my elderly mum who is 89 ---
maybe becoming her carer might be an option
Here is a link also Carers Hints and tips to Success
and also other members have other tips for you @Former-Member , @outlander , @Faith-and-Hope
also there is Carers gateway to look up too
my mum does not like any help -- she wants me to do it
she has exceptes "Meals on Wheels" which took a long time but it is good
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11-10-2020 03:01 PM
11-10-2020 03:01 PM
Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan
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11-10-2020 03:36 PM
11-10-2020 03:36 PM
Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan
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11-10-2020 04:57 PM
11-10-2020 04:57 PM
Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan
hello @RB3 , how are you my friend
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11-10-2020 05:13 PM
11-10-2020 05:13 PM
Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan
hi I have had a look at a few of the link you posted. Thanks. She was very down when I saw her but i showed her how to make fruit and vege smoothies and she was very excited by that. Today she was frightened because she couldn't work out the phone to ring me. I have left instructions in a couple of places but in her muddle she couldnt find them. I am doing some up and will laminate and put on the wall near her phone. Her forgetfulness is extreme when she is depressed. Thanks for checking in. I am glad I finally used this forum which I joined in May
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11-10-2020 05:23 PM
11-10-2020 05:23 PM
Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan
always here for you @RB3
my mum is showing old age dementia after having bowel obstructions and a broken hip
takes a lot of patience and understanding
and we have to look after ourselves too to look after others
showed her how to make fruit and vege smoothies and she was very excited by that.--- that was lovely , you may have to show her again but it will be new to her again
just remember your self care too --- I am still learning to find that balance
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11-10-2020 05:31 PM
11-10-2020 05:31 PM
Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan
Thanks. Yes I am expecting to have to show her a few times. Self care is not my strong point LOL. I have horses so they keep me grounded.
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11-10-2020 05:40 PM
11-10-2020 05:40 PM
Re: Help for a Carer with no workable plan
how many horses do you have @RB3
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11-10-2020 05:53 PM
11-10-2020 05:53 PM