Motion - new pathways - air -sea -land -us

[StanD]

You needn't explain @tonys I'm scared to write my honesty to you. The forums are public. There are rules about how we are allowed to interact with one another. If I say my truths, people can claim I'm being rude. If my honest reply is p*ss off - you didn't listen to what I was actually saying. Then that expression would be deemed inappropriate - rude. I would be reprimanded for expressing my discontent & contempt.

Now you are loved, by everyone here so it would seem.

You are allowed to write about your housekeeper bursting out of her dress, putting on weight, & your intentions to pop off a button. 

Is this humour? Do all need to 'lighten' up a little?

If it were me, & a person wrote about me like this on public forums on the internet, I would feel offended, betrayal of mutual trust, & disrespected.

It's wonderful that you are happy & enjoy the company of your bookkeeper. 

Would she write about you in this way?

Even if the answer is yes, I wonder what gives people the right to think dishonouring & making fun of others is ok?

Yes, honesty is paramount. If she asks your honest opinion about her weight, you need to be honest.

Why is she asking? Is she testing your honesty? You don't own scales? When is another persons body size any one elses business?

Or is this information you are offering her freely? 

And 'care', as you mention. I notice you say these types of things to many people. What is care?

You are a farmer. The animals must be fed, watered no matter your state of mind, health. Their needs come before yours. That is care.

We can't do a lot for each other on these forums.

Reading each other's letters, replying if we can. We can empathize, relate, take the time to offer a kind word here & there. Say we understand, or be honest & say we don't. 

We share with one another.

Like you said, motion is resting, you are tired after long day, etc.

My needs are not a priority to anyone here. Even if they were, it would not be enough for me. I need real life interactions. I don't expect strangers on the internet to stop their lives to care about me. 

So, what is care?

Do I care about you? Or others here?

Talking through a screen is more of a hobby. I don't think we can actually really care about each other. This type of communication is not designed to promote real care.

Convenience care - if there is such a thing.

I enjoy writing here, & reading at times. It helps to fill a void. Remind us we are connected, in our solitary moments. We can relate with moments, & can help to heal one another, in sharing.

It's not the same as care.

It's a byproduct of honest expression.

Care is someone who sees me. Sees my needs, & moves heaven & earth to see my needs fulfilled. No waiting. No guessing. No defending my position or pleading for help. Care is someone, in real life who calls or texts me daily to ask how I am & listens to me. Someone who does everything they can, to see that my life is good as possibly can be. Something who sacrifices their own needs to make me looked after. Real care.

[EternalFlower]

Hi @StanD i usually avoid conflict and stay far away, but I feel comfortable here tbh to speak what I need. It's ok if there is conflict if we can come from kindness. I hope and trust you will tbh and feel ok to speak even though in other situations I would not.

Re care if it's genuine here or not I think it can be. I do care for people here. And they have helped me in a real way. I do feel in danger and scared here every so often , because of my traumas I feel people will be rough or judgemental so I get a bit careful or tentative. But I see genuine care.

I thought what U write about true care was beautiful. I agree that is true care. That is love. Consistency. Checking in. I am just now in tears a bit because I never had that really and my oarenrs don't care if I live or die and I need to accept it. But that is the standard.

It is good you can feel it and feel you deserve it. This space is different. It is lacking some elements that are needed to make it true care. I hear that. I respect you that you have needs and won't compromise them.

So what are we doing here? Just passing time?

I guess each person needs to decide if writing here helps them or doesn't.

I feel it helps me but sometimes being censored here makes it hard because we can't speak as critically about the MH system. But I do feel there are genuine moderators here and we can be honest here, mainly because of the peer workers who I feel very comfortable with.

Thank you for sharing and I like your openness. I feel comfortable with U here.

[StanD]

hello @EternalFlower your message was really warm. I needed this.

I know you are vulnerable like me. It hurts me to think that my statement of wariness affected you negatively. 

How can I say this gently to you without hurting you? I don't want to hurt you at all. I want to be honest with you. In my mind - anything less, would show I don't value you.

I am wary because I see how you interact with other members. I see you as capable & on similar wavelengths. I see common jokes, & understandings that I only understand much later on, or not at all. It is not frequent with you. One occurrence is enough.

I'm not even sure it's you.

It's me. Feelings of caution unless I feel completely secure. I don't know how to feel that. 

Small wins. Overwhelming losses.

I don't fit and can't fit and can't trust.

I feel like this too - except my reason is the opposite. Maybe yours is too.

I trust everyone, immediately. I like this about me. I would not know how to forge a relationship without it. 

Thank U eternal flower. I see you are ahead of me & replied to other post!  

[StanD]

Having your support is incredible for me @EternalFlower I know what my real needs are. I have never had the courage to voice it like I have. Facing the rejection & pain that we felt unworthy enough to say it out loud. Thankyou for supporting me. I already knew I was right. So many people, over & over have told me I was wrong. The pain is too great...now I'm in tears. Someone, FINALLY listened to me. Acknowledged that I am not stupid for wanting this for myself. I really am cared about.

As it stands, the people in my life could care less. 

At least now I know, one other person in the world actually heard me. Listened. It's really all I wanted.

You lifted a huge weight from my chest @EternalFlower I have every right to demand real care. This is my life. I get to choose. 

[EternalFlower]

You do @StanD it's a birthright and I accept it and don't judge you for wanting that. Nothing but true care should be ok, really. I hear where ur coming from.

[tonys]

@StanD    thats O K    . You tagged me.    So I politely replied   I had a hard day. . .    I work hard to hang on here, and I really did not want to turn my computor on.  But I did.  I was concerned that no one would respond to you.  And  we made an effort. And days like this,  a little humour is all the reward we get up here.

I am not a trained support worker. .  . !    I'm a farmer with handicaps. You know this   I thought I would dress up a story and present it in a way that would cheer you up.   "redirect"  you from your worry .  The book keeper was  - actually helping me-  write and embellish it a bit so I could shower and get to  bed.  .  We spent our time,   to  try to help you. . .! If you can't see that.  I don't know what else to say.

We borrowed the little story from saving private Ryan" which she brought back from the video store yesterday."

   You will always find fault in what I say  so I ask a nice polite way that you don't tag me ever again.   If you see something i write to others,  I have already suggested as politely as I can,  a few times that you simply ignore.  I would kindly ask @Appleblossom   @Thyme   and the moderators to  help with the above.

  In the interest of peace and harmony,  I will stay of the sane forums until I get some helpful feed back from sane  sent to me in a private manner.

You may not see It at all but I have been trying to help you the only way I'm equipped to.

My computor will be off so you can have some peace,  and I genuinely wish only the very best for you.  Stan D   

@EternalFlower   @Former-Member   @Appleblossom   Hope we can chat again in a week or two

Over and out,       tonys m b  1   

[EternalFlower]

@tonys stay safe please feel cared for please shine and feel welcomed 

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower @StanD @tonys Thank you for noticing my post about my vulnerable and jittery feelings and responding with care.  I appreciate it A LOT.

@EternalFlower I like your gentleness and thoughtfulness. Its been good to get to know you.

WOW @StanD Alaska! Are you an Aussie by birth or just plugging in from the global internet village?  I used to know a self sufficient, build her own home, off the grid lady from Queen Charlotte Islands, out near your neck of the woods, relatively speaking.  lol.  Never been there, I met her in Sri Lanka.  You said "I hear you about the walls Miss A. I like to be there for everyone. I know I judge people too. And I see why it feels like I'm being judged. Intellectually I know. Bad habits. Survival."  Hearing you, and some discernment in people's motivation is necessary, but we do need figure out if it is our head and prejudices talking or somebody else and not project our thoughts onto them.  Thats the interpersonal dilemna, in my book.  It was good to read you laughed at a joke, but then later I was sad to see you were feeling paranoid.  Not a good state, and I am careful when I get in it, tho it is not too often for me. Please take care, words can get us in a mess, without understanding the nature of the person or their heart.  Were you in the US or Aussie welfare system?

I was feeling paranoid the other day too, and jittery.  However I harnessed the strength and wisdom from it, (it means knowledge of fear).  I had needed to stand up for my son the other day as well as all the other things going on, with files and lawyers and plumbing, and serious back pain ... (and a little knock on here, not this thread and he apologised).  I am very analytical and trying to isolate and work through all triggers. I am lucky enough to be in a position to do so finally, after having no boundaries for a long time.  Yes Walls, at the top of the walls of some of the "homes" I was in was crushed glass set in concrete ... hmm not sure what that does to a child. A lady just extended her fence in my court and wanted me to be excited for her.  Not my style.  

@tonys I am old and have been around the block and feel some of the censorship these days is in overcorrection about socially problematic "issues" shall we say. Pathologies of society. I understand and have suffered a lot cos of being overly exposed at a young age ... to all sorts of things about sexuality, and I could tell you meant no offence and were enthusiastic and caring, and trying to be funny and elevate the mood, rather than anything else.  I have noticed many comics getting cancelled these days.  Mind you I have not liked being in a demographic that is the butt of a mean joke, but I can kind of tell when it is not malicious, these days.  When I was younger, I had been too trusting, kind of fo-rced to be that way, as had to trust social workers foster parents etc etc, but then taken for the village idiot.  These days, I am trying to find the balance between being too trusting and being foolish ... its always a process.  I care about you and think you are a wonderful human. 

[LeChuck]

Oh @EternalFlower I'm sorry I haven't been here the last few days to offer any support, I've been going through a bit of a rough patch too and kind of dropped off the face of the earth in all aspects of my life. I will try and do a bit better when it comes to checking in! How are the new meds going? And congrats on getting booked in for the EDMR. I hope it is a game changer for you.

[Former-Member]

Hello @StanD @tonys @EternalFlower @LeChuck @Appleblossom 

and anyone else who has joined this thread.

I had actually written somewhere that I was very tired and cannot remember what else.

My brain is in overload.

I have so much going on in my life but do not wish to write about it on here.

I started this thread to escape from everything.

I am at the same time understanding that others have the need to write about themselves and that is fine as that is what they want and I will support them unquestionably as long as I am respected.

I do read the thread from time to time.

I agree with you on a few things @StanD 

Yes this thread has changed.

This is a natural progression as people open up a little about themselves.

This also happens as new members arrive.

The thread is more active and subjects change more frequently.

No different to the real world if you were a member of a club; discussion group; support group or similar.

In the real world we never know the full story of others.

For me I try very hard to be mindful of this in any form of communication.

There are different personalities; styles of communication; time accessing the forums; preferences between people.

Again similar to real life where people can feel comfortable with some moreso than others.

The dynamics of the groups change the same as this thread and many threads.

For any group to be manageable let alone successful there has to be give and take from all members.

Yes there are considerations for some who might have different needs or styles of expression that are explained to the group.

I personally have sensed a change in observing from the sidelines.

There is underlying tension and I think that this might, possibly, or I could be totally wrong; be felt by others if not all.

If something is not working do we look to blame someone else because our needs are not being met?

Do we know what is  really going on in each of our lives at any given time?

Do we know how hard it is for someone to respond to honest criticism? Not everybody can.

Check on others or just be gentle.

We are members of this forum because we seek connection.

We have a choice where we write and where we do not want to write.

The most important essence of connection is respect.

I would like to see respect for everyone who leaves a response whether a person agrees or not..

I respect anyone with a difference as I am different myself.

I expect the same respect returned to me.

If anyone does not like what another has written or does not understand please refer back to a moderator or make a phone call.

I have actually felt uncomfortable and treading on eggshells for fearing of upsetting people.

I probably will upset some in writing this now.

Points were raised and I feel that I have a right to respond to them.

I do not want to read and witness another person being singled out repeatedly and left to feel that they are not valued here.

@moderator

please assist in making sure that everyone feels safe .

Motion