Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care

[Faith-and-Hope]

❤️ @Determined ….

[Determined]

Thanks @Shaz51  @Faith-and-Hope 

Ok here atm.  Lots on between all the family but staying afloat. If only just. 

 

[Determined]

Just scored 16 on this quiz

With 3 Borderline answers so 13 at best. 

Ouch 😳 

https://www.whereyoulivematters.org/con-caregiver-burnout-quiz/  

Working on delegating more.

And having darling and S1 take more responsibility for themselves. 

[Shaz51]

ohh hugs @Determined , sitting with you and your darling and S1xx

how are the younger sons xx

@Smc , @tyme ,, @Faith-and-Hope , @amber22 , @FloatingFeather 

[Determined]

Thanks @Shaz51 

Darling and S1 ok. It is stuff they are capable of and managing ok that I am resisting doing for them. Not without whining as to why I can't do it but they are  managing. 

S2&3 are travelling along well enough. 

[Smc]

Sounds good @Determined.

I haven't quite got the heart for trying out the quiz myself at the moment, but a little while back I was reading an article about work related burnout, which has some parallels with carer burnout.

Researchers found that the symptoms of burnout pretty closely matched depression symptoms, but with the important distinction that burnout didn't have the same impact on self image and self worth as depression, and along with that didn't lead into SI as much.

I think that pretty much confirms to me what I've been saying for years... that I've been diagnosed with depression, but I'm really a "burnt out carer"... but officialdom doesn't recognise the distinction. Yet. It may be slowly moving that way, and maybe that will result in more appropriate support and solutions. (We can live in hope, yes?)

[Determined]

"I think that pretty much confirms to me what I've been saying for years... that I've been diagnosed with depression, but I'm really a "burnt out carer"... but officialdom doesn't recognise the distinction"

Hearing you @Smc 

I have given up on trying to convince people I am exhausted not depressed. 

I believe I have an unhealthy mix of work and carer burnout. Current job ok but still paying the price for persevering with a toxic work environment 10 years on.   10 years in and still getting triggered by little reminders. 

Re the caring side. It really is hard to see any alternatives without 'not caring'

While adding  a level of complexity and preaasure, I see current work / job as part of the solution to my ongoing well-being.  Starting to wonder though how sustainable my current trajectory is 😳🤕

[Determined]

Soon to be 16 S2 announced this afternoon

'If anything ever happens to you I guess it is on me to hold everything and everyone together' 😥

Not far from the truth. 

Have an opportunity for him to get some

1-1 carer coaching to make sense of it all and understand his options. It is a choice and not actually his responsibility.  But understand his feelings the weight of that responsibility. 

[Shaz51]

Ohh wow @Determined , 16 already and thinking likke that my friend xxxx

@tyme , @Smc , @Faith-and-Hope 

[Smc]

Yep @Determined, we've had similar discussions in our family. Not the kind of life plan anyone wants for their kids.

Very much hoping that by the time it's an issue, Older Daughter may have moderated somewhat. But not knowing if that will be the case does lurk in the mind somewhat. One of many reasons to keep pushing for a better mental health care system...

It's also a reason why I'm still really cautious about COVID. I wear a mask in crowded places especially indoors and keep up to date with boosters.... I can't afford the risk of long term illness.