Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care

[Determined]

Admission interview confirmed that it was the right decision for darling to be in hospital. 

There was an actual pre meditated attempt (by darlings admission) to not be here in a short period of being alone on the morning of admission (while still at home). 

Thankfully poorly executed so no lasting physical harm but the intent is of great concern. 

Among a few of concern, one comment was "my mum died and life went on, the boys will get over it"

😭

Generally a level of despair and giving up that I have not seen in a long time. Since the last time we were in crisis. 

I am inequipped to deal with this at home at any level. 

[tyme]

@Determined ,

Hearing you. I'm sorry to hear how difficult it is right now, and that your darling engaged in an attempt.

We acknowledge that carer fatigue exists. Not because a carer does not care, but because it's a real thing. 

The boundaries for yourself are to ensure your darling gets the best care she needs - that is, that you are well enough to support her.

An admission will give you the respite you deserve. It is not a sign of failure or lack of care.

Use the time for yourself to recover and reset.

Please take care.

[Smc]

Hard @Determined. 😢 Glad they were able to keep her safe.
Guessing that means they'll be "upgrading" the level of supervision she'll be under?
Praying...  xx

[Determined]

Dr is confident that simply being away from everything will be enough @Smc 

And a very thorough bag search on arrival.

I was given a big bag of stuff I would have considered safe to take home with me.

And has  regular check ins with nursing staff so not left alone for any length of time. 

Recieved multiple texts this afternoon wanting to come home immediately but thankfully after seeing the Dr has agreed.to a 2 week stay..

Sounds harsh but I don't want her home before that. I don't have the capacity to deal with that at the moment. 

[Smc]

Know what you mean about the bagful. The staff in these units have seen too much of people getting "imaginative" with very everyday items... we've seen our own girl resort to some very unlikely possibilities. 😕 xx

It's such a hard balance. When you're in such an un-homelike setting some personal things can make a real difference, but safety has to come first.

You're not being harsh. If you get pushed past your limits, you can't help her or anyone else. When things have been "running rough" here, we'd had hopes that a clinic admission might give us some respite and recovery time. Hope you can make this some special time to relax with your boys.

[Determined]

 

[Determined]

 

[Smc]

Both very apt @Determined. 🙏

[Determined]

In confirming school pick up arrangements for S3 tomorrow I realise tomorrow will be 1 week since Darling went to hospital. This arises some conflicting emotions. 

Yes things have been busy, but should I have missed her presence more 💔

Rather I have felt irrated around her wanting to come home already without engaging in available supports where she is. 

[Smc]

@Determined, yep. You're burnt out... emotions aren't functioning normally. And you just plain honestly need a break.

I think a lot of us deal with so much "extraordinary" level stuff day to day, and don't realise how normalised extreme things become. So things that would trigger a response in most people are so far below our usual operating threshold that they barely show a blip.

Our girl tended to be very reluctant to really participate in most of the therapy options available when she'd been in psych clinics. Mostly because she didn't like group therapy, and even the private clinics haven't got the funds to do everything one on one.