How do I help

[cherryblossom8]

No worries, @Lostandneedhelp !

Im glad this is helpful for you. By the way, my husband is 50, but the hospital still involved me in his care. It’s okay for you to ask them to keep you informed and give your input. Your daughter is very fragile and vulnerable and your are her support person. It’s in the hospital’s interest to engage with you as you are an important part in her recovery. Good luck, my friend!

[Lostandneedhelp]

The hospital and psych said they couldn’t tell me anything !! Even when she left the hospital and caught an Uber home no one contacted me!! @cherryblossom8 

[cherryblossom8]

Hi @Lostandneedhelp',

I can't believe they would not inform you. I am so sorry this happened to you. Hopefully, it does not happen again. How is your daughter? And how are you taking care of yourself? Have you been able to contact anyone from the info I sent you? It would be great for you to try and get some support as a carer if you can. Anyway, look after yourself 🙂

[tyme]

Hope you are both okay @Lostandneedhelp @cherryblossom8 

We're here if you need a chat.

[Lostandneedhelp]

I have had a good couple of days! I went to visit my psychologist who is helping try to  navigate all of it. I am doing something nice everyday which might be visiting and cuddling my granddaughter, sitting in sun or catch up coffees but it is definitely helping me. 

I also think J is having a better week maybe because I am!! @cherryblossom8 

I'm trying to stop things quickly before we argue. Like I need to relax now and every time she starts I rpt it. Thanks 

[Lostandneedhelp]

Thanks @tyme  I am having a better week. 
I hope everyone is having a better week!! 
I hope you are doing well @cherryblossom8 

[Mimmie]

Hi, I am the mother of a 21 year old with dual diagnosis who doesn't want help either. He has no insight into his condition. The government offers a lot of help and I'd be happy to support him in other ways but the fact is, you can't help someone who doesn't want help. I'm struggling with this daily and had to come to the conclusion that I have to accept it. There is no Silver Bullet.

I'm not sure if this is helpful. But I am in the same position. From peer to peer, at least we can connect here.

lots of love and energy

[Lostandneedhelp]

Hi @Mimmie I too have come to the same conclusion and accepted that I can’t help J until she wants help!!

So I have pulled right back and just there to support when needed. 
I hope you have some better days we are actually having some better days so fingers crossed for everyone seeking help and advice here? I heard there was a 12 week course available to teach how best to communicate and understand ppl with bpd. I can’t find it now 

[Worn_out1]

• I have come across this thread tonight after another tough night of feeling helpless and exhausted. Have a 20yr old and feeling so burnt out by increasingly frequent episodes of rage, then crying. Constantly worried she will go out and do something impulsive and get hurt. Seems alcohol has become her turn to atm but its seems to be a trigger and it doesnt take much for the anger to start. Shes not working anymore, which also hasnt helped. Slowly friends dropping away. No diagnosis yet because refusing to admit somethings wrong, next day just pretends like it never happened or like its everyones fault because they must have done something to upset her. I dont even think she remembers much herself so minimises whats happened. Its starting to get to the point where other family members are not getting any sleep, people are broke from trying to help out or fix things damaged, i feel so worn out its getting hard to go to work anymore. It feels like theres no way to help, called an ambulance one day but the police came with and issued avo and she attended court. Still no mental health help offered so what was the point. How bad does it really have to get to get real help. 

[Lostandneedhelp]

I really feel for you!! @Worn_out1 @Our stories sound very similar. I think you have to look after yourself first. I started seeing a psychologist who helped me understand this and how to approach situations so there is not so many blow ups. I give J 3 warnings then I leave and go stay at a friends. I say “if you don’t stop now I am leaving” 3rd time I do. I find not having an audience stops the behaviour and I haven’t had to leave for a couple of months. Also I found suggestions and advice in this group really helped me. Alcohol is so readily available but maybe you could set up boundaries when they are in a reasonable mood that they cannot have alcohol in your house or if they have been drinking they do not stay in your home. It is sad because they are using whatever to hide from their pain. Please seek help for yourself and family in the way of counselling I have stopped giving my daughter money and I am saying NO a lot now. I know I often feel guilty because I think of what the behaviour is doing to me and I actually hate her with a passion a lot of the time I’ve learnt not to feel guilty and it’s not her I hate we have feelings too but try not to take things personally and do whatever you can to survive I have lots of weekend breaks!! You’ve started your journey to learn to live with this and get the help you need by joining this wonderful group. I wish you peace and serenity until your 20 year old can realise they need help my 30 year old has not quite yet but I’m still hopeful as she has returned to work. She doesn’t always go but having the responsibility of a loan  for a car has made a huge change for her.  Good luck