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Jaybel
Casual Contributor

Not sure how to help my son

My son is 26 years old and has been treated for six years for bipolar, major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder. After years of not responding to treatment, hospitalization and heartbreak his diagnose was overturned by a new psychiatrist to ADHD and Autism. He also suffers from generalized anxiety and depression. I feel so exhausted by years of uncertainty that I just don't understand how to help or what to do next. The new diagnosis feels right and explains so many of the inconsistencies in the previous diagnosis but I find the cascade of symptoms confusing and a little overwhelming. My son has moved home earlier this year and I love having him home, however he gets angry and withdrawn sometimes and that isn't easy to life with.  In his early late teens and twenties he was violatile and seems to have fluctuating moods daily. Living independently seemed to help for a short time but highlighted other problems. He wasn't able to care for himself or keep his flat in order. It wasn't living it was just surviving, Now he has stability and clean sheets but struggles to connect socially to other family members. His situation has improved, he has been off medication for approximately eight months but we just don't know how to help him . He has psychologist that he has been seeing for six or seven years and a new psychiatrist. What's the next steps we should be taking? How do we help him improve the quality of his life? Sorry this is so long, it's the first time I've reached out to other carers, friends or family.

10 REPLIES 10

Re: Not sure how to help my son

Hi @Jaybel 

I'm so sorry to see everything you've been juggling with your son, it's heartbreaking to read.

The first thing I want to ask is, what support do you have in place? It's all too easy when caring for a loved one to ignore/supress your own needs--especially when it comes to your children. This is the first thing I'd advise you to look in to, creating your own support network. Perhaps a support group you can meet with that are in a similar situation to your family would be helpful. Do you have a therapist? Do you have a GP to check in with? Your GP should be able to help with referring you on to support networks. If you can create a trusted support network, I think it will help in being able to cope with your son's situation. It sounds to me like you've been doing all the right things re psychiatric help and psychological help for your son. I can't say if there are other services out there that are available to your family, I honestly have no idea. So my advice is really to check in with your GP, talk to them about your concerns, talk to them about how difficult it is to manage, and talk about creating your own support network. You need to take care of yourself too, and reading all the things you've had to do for your son, I'm guessing self-care hasn't been a priority for you. I hope others will respond here with some advice and help, and I really wish you all the best, your son is lucky to have you caring for him.

Re: Not sure how to help my son

Thank you for your support. I have often thought of seeing a therapist and recently had a few sessions paid for by my work place that were really good in helping me gain some perspective. I’ll ask my go on my next visit if there are any local support groups.

Re: Not sure how to help my son

Hi,

I understand your frustration. So many symptoms can overlap and then their are the ones that come with your childs personality. Try to keep an open mind, remeber there will be set backs, keep being supportive but firm and take opportunities that arise to talk about things. There is no right or wrong way of doing things, just take it day by day and try new things until you find what works. Also remeber to do something for yourself at least once a week. 

Re: Not sure how to help my son

@Jaybel if you are able to find a therapist who specialises in personality disorders that would be great. Therapists aren't a one size fits all so when you're talking to your GP about it, see if they are able to find someone who is experienced in this field. Also do a quick google search when you can, lots of psychologists have their own websites with their specific areas of interest listed--this is how I found my psychologist. While my GP was well meaning, she didn't match my needs with the right therapist, she later admitted she tends to refer everyone to that one psychologist... So it doesn't hurt to do a little google search before meeting with the GP--though hopefully yours will be more helpful than in my case.

 

@outlander I remember how helpful you were when I joined the forums, I was wondering if you may know anyone who can chime in here with some advice or a supportive ear?

Re: Not sure how to help my son

hi @saltandpepper thanks for the tag!

hi @Jaybel and welcome. your cirumstances sound quite tricky to manage.
I am really glad to read that you will consider seeing a psychologist yourself.

Carers Australia can actually offer some free phone helpline sessions if you need as well. ill link them in at the end for you along with Carers Gateway.

These services along with providing support to you can actually help you find some support for your son. There is often Autism and ADHD support groups that you and your son could attend together (or just your son) to help gain some social skills.

Also there is Autism and ADHD websites that might be helpful as well so i will link these in as well for you.

Im not entirely sure who might have similar experiences but i think possibly @Faith-and-Hope @eth @greenpea @utopia @Teej may be able to offer some advice


Aspect Australia (Autism support) -https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/

Carers Australia-https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/

Carer Gateway-https://www.carergateway.gov.au/


ADHD Australia-https://www.adhdaustralia.org.au/

i hope this helps even a little!

Re: Not sure how to help my son

@Jaybel  Hey Jaybel and thanks for tagging me @outlander . I have a son2 who has autism, epilepsy, intellectual delay and schittzophrenia. He is highly medicated for his moods and anger and his epilepsy. The meds have saved him from using violence as a means to express his frustrations as an example.If ever you want to talk I am more than happy to listen. Just tag me. Take care. Love peaxx

Re: Not sure how to help my son

@outlander thanks champ

Re: Not sure how to help my son

hello @saltandpepper@Jaybel@greenpea@outlander@Tess2 

how are you, thinking of you and sitting with you 

Re: Not sure how to help my son

Hi,
I am well and I hope everyone else is too.
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