Motion - new pathways - air -sea -land -us

[LeChuck]

@EternalFlower thanks for your support, you are so kind hearted. So glad to hear things are progressing for you with your doctor, and so proud of you for making that happen! You're doing amazing. I'm glad you are having a chance to feel safe and ok expressing anger, it's scary but so healthy and important to be able to do that. Good luck with your new meds, and don't forget self care! You're working so hard, make sure you take care of yourself as much as you can. Wishing you the best day tomorrow, LeChuck

[tonys]

hello @EternalFlower   Mate you are as close to a good news story as I can get today and I'm gonna grab it with both hands.  Thankyou and I hope that Didnt come out wrong.   I do have a history Of over exuberance.     So.   I am really excited about the EDMR.    I have heard very positive things about It.

I mentioned a while back about psychotropic meds that are having successful trials and It sounds like the fellow thats on your case is a cutting edge man at the coal face of new research.   It will take time,   But Oh  boy,  It's a great positive start.  proud of you for hanging in and pushing your barrow so hard.

The beautiful suport I see pouring in on sane must be a comfort in times of loneliness too.

Mate I'm always on the river somewhere at night with a story and a blanket.  Got some sweet corn hissing in the coals tonight,   and a yellow belly wrapped in bacon and foil.  In fact,  think I'll sleep by the river tonight.   I get a little wi fi down here,  and some rusty tin If it rains.   Their on the bite tonight.          Bless ya mate.  Keep up the good work.     tonys    moon base one.

[StanD]

Hello @EternalFlower this post helped me so much now. I'm being so hard on myself right now. It's like all the bad things I've told myself my whole life are suddenly in question. 

They have all risen at once, desperately trying to defend their plausibility.

Gosh it's very difficult to be mentally strong enough when a lifetimes worth of low self esteem is is no longer relevant.

The illusion. I thought it was who I was. 

You helped me to let go of a small part.

My reactions are completely normal.

@tonys I read over your message again. My reply. You got me, again. I don't know if it's good or bad. I wish I didn't have these holes that I react to. I know, in truth I don't.

@Former-Member I needed to read your comfort right now. 

@LeChuck there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all.

@Appleblossom did I make you feel welcome? You are welcome miss Apple. I know you can help me.

@tyme I don't know what to say. I love you.

[tonys]

hello   @StanD.   Oh  mate sorry I'm so obscure.    You don't say which  letter confused you and this form of interfacing can be confusing If you don't know the person behind the letter.

First let me say that I do hope you really well or at the very least your needle is not in the red.

Mate,  this may shed some light.

I went to a social thing for people with autism and it was a eye opener.   They appear to a person like me to be quit normal.   I had trouble communicating.  You see how I'm talking to you now Is not how I talk around the farm. . .    I talk in abstracts and rhyming poems all the time,  even to the customers at the stall.  I have to really concentrate  or write on paper first,  to communicate in a way most take for granted.   Staff and people always give me strange looks,   Busking is the only time I sound close to normal when I open my mouth.  I had better add that It no longer bothers me.   It just confuses others but in this town it helps me sort the wheat from the chaff.  

Half are to intolerant to acknowledge or reply,  and the other half are friendly amused and confused.

Wew  !   glad I got all that out of the way.  So ,  there is never malice or Ill intent.

So before I go into more vague rhymes.  It is helpful to know the following.

I have intellectual disabilities that I can mostly hide on the computor.  What you think takes a minut, can take me an hour some times and as I tire  my go to,   is cartoon thinking,  rhymes and abstracts.

Because I am a social person and like to belong  i do answer a call for help when I really probly shouldn't.   I have explained this many times but you are new.  Maybe I should put it in my profile.

Anyway,  I was just try to say that If we can learn to be grateful for a few crumbs when a whole loaf comes along,  its a bonus.  I ask and expect nothing from life so anything more is just gravy,  and I never have a day when I'm disappointed with my lot In life.

But I do know most expect a lot more from life than me.    Its just a concept my small brain cant get .  .  .  .   and I'm so glad because mostly I seem to be    happy.

I dont want you to think like I do.   Set your goals, listen to the other folk on sane and just give it time.

I like telling stories,  black humour,  twin peaks,   distractions,   the last person someone who is depressed should be in the hands of Is me.    If you ever need a fire side yarn or horror story and your in fair shape,  or got a good nightmare to laugh at and share please take a seat by the fire.

All thats probly not going to help but Its the best i got for now    tonys   moon base 1

That is why I avoid talking to folk who are depressed.   

[EternalFlower]

Hi @tonys glad ur warm by the fire and can see the stars....the air and the expanse.

Dr is cutting edge and curious, reminding me why I liked him....not in the box..called around the EMDR therapists he recommended today and tried to find one . 

I was unable to get the new medication yet as it has to be ordered in so I'm bit sleepless tonight. I collapsed in a heap when I got home from Dr so will be up I think which is maybe worrying but I'll hopefully sleep or settle. Don't want dark thoughts at night but it's just one of those days.

I love the Dr for trying to help me and for not giving up on me . He seemed a bit sleepy today which you had picked-up on...he's got a lot happening and many of us to treat. I really think EMDR will help too. 

[Appleblossom]

@StanD 

Low self esteem is such an issue as it colours most of what we think I have it too, but recently in a real like situation I am called Miss A... and it is with respect which had missing for a long time.  Your Miss Apple post made me smile, as I am a bit old to be a miss ... not an old spinster tho. lol

[tonys]

Hello @EternalFlower .   Sorry mate I did fall asleep by the fire.  Then 5 inches of rain so had to make a dash for the house.   The river is way up.   How are you eternal flower.    there was a little light in your letter,  just enough to see my way through the rain. That early hour of the morning,    Not just me searching for a bright side.   I think you are working hard to help yourself in the face of great adversity.   

Old farmers like me deeply admire people that can dig deep and pull themselves out of the mud.     I'm no councillor,  we all know that.   Just a fella standing on a bridge trying hard to always see positivity and you are meeting me half way on that bridge.

I still read your letter about the candle reflected in the bowl.      Seeing  beauty and hope in the smallest things and being grateful that we have the eyes to see them.

Thats what I'm about.     I  think you are a special person to do this given the falls you have had.   

I  too need good news now and then.    Thankyou @EternalFlower .    You've got what it takes.                    tonys    moon base 1

Stan  @StanD  @Former-Member .        Wish you all  peace and hope   too

[Sophia1]

Hello @tonys 

Thank you for including me over here.

There are some interesting dynamics here.

I will reply to your poem and leave everyone to find their sea legs.

There is much going on for me on and off of the forums trying to support others as best I can.

This poetry brought tears to my eyes and emotions flooded my chest.

Crying is healthy for us and so important for me as I used to hold my feelings deep inside totally unaware. My eventual diagnosis of long term major depression was a huge surprise.

Result of suppressing emotions.

My dissociating from the world was my survival mechanism again unknowingly.

I thought that I just lived in my daydreams mostly apart from when I had my working hat on.

This was who I was for the first thirty years of my life.

I can slip in and out of that state without knowing when I am in overload.

As you know I have an adult son with differences and now some permanent brain damage.

He sadly is shoved between public mental health systems in different states of the country depending on when he needs to flee after each admission. He is currently missing again after I don't know how many times. He has become nomadic and living on the streets on a merrygoround journey. His story is different to yours of course and yet there are a few parallels. He has high intelligence especially in one area also.

Your  beautiful poem is one that tells me how you have learnt to survive the harsh cruelties of society and the streets. All that entails.

Your later reply tells more about your real world and how you get by on your farm and travels.

Later reply from Tonys following. An incredible revealing of  day to day existence and the energy used, taken to reply and offer support.

We are all so honoured to have you Tonys on these forums.

You have an exceptional gift.

I don't care who has fed you with tales of how your intelligence level is low. They are so wrong. Your brain might not function as the text book states in every day life.

You also have conditions, diagnoses. Thankfully you are now receiving help and support long overdue.

Your intelligence in the areas that do not function might be measured by their outdated systems as low. They are not looking at the whole brain.

You have tapped into an area that the average person has not found.

They probably have not read any of your writing also to be fair to them.

Hmm. Do they know about this gift of yours?

Your poem and responses to myself on the thread where I write and to others speaks realms about your intelligence in an area that most of us do not possess.

You have high intelligence in that area of your mind.

It might come and go as in only be accessed when you tap into it. Only you know that.

My son is similar. He thinks and feels at a different level, plane I call it to others. He covers his pain as he knows he is constantly being assessed.

You might have some parts of your brain that do not function the same as the text books say.

I want for you to stop telling yourself that your brain does not work properly.

You have the diagnosis. Accept it. Go with it.

Accept that you have much more though. You have an exceptional part of your brain that when it flows produces magic.

So change the wording to I have a brain that does not function well in some areas and I have a brain that surpasses expectations in another area.

I am not saying go up to every single person in the street and announce this.

I am saying. Tell yourself this every single day.

Change your self talk.

Remember the mirror?

I would love for you to have the bookkeeper transcribe your words into poetry, music, children's fiction; stories; audio books; songs.

You are cutting back your time on the farm.

Think about this.

Even if you do not publish write it for you.

Write it and dedicate it to Jay.

Most of all write it for you and be proud and when you are sitting around that campfire with your glass containing coloured fluid speak to your friends as though you are writing to us.

If you do not already do this.

There

Wish you had not invited me over here now? Hmm you know me well enough by now.

Sorry everyone else if you are reading this far.

I want you also to know more about the Tonys who supports and is there for all of you here and so many others elsewhere.

Enjoy your sailing, flying, hiking and travelling

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

Scroll down or up and read the letter to StanD

where Tonys wants to shed some light.

This one helped me get to know you at a different depth @tonys 

I am so thankful that you invited me over here so that I go to read that one.

You have intelligence in an area of your brain where the text book has not yet been written.

Sophia1

[StanD]

Thanks @tonys how you going?

The sun is out today. I'm having a well deserved day of retreat.

So much advice tossed around on these forums. In truth, it's not my style. I don't need to be fixed. I need to be listened to. That's neither here nor there, my humble desires.

Not to be a downer - if I could share openly this past few days events, people's would be shocked I'm functional at all. 

I feel like we could all explore & debate perspectives on reality, righteousness, lucid dreams, communication, what it is to be human, is it better to be thankful for crumbs, or never stop for striving complete world domination. Are our intentions pure... paving a path.. to... hell..oh!?

We fall get up, fall get up.

I have this great counsellor. I've had a few.. And yeh chaff from wheat. We've all been kicked while we are down. Anyways, I'm fascinated by her responses to life's problems. 

For example, I noticed in my head as I wrote the beginning of this letter about retreat. 

I think there is fight, flight & freeze.

I'm in freeze today.

More often than not I'm in fight. 

Anyway, I heard her words in my head. I was witness when she replied to another member, who explained they were hiding away from the world.

She said, 'maybe that's exactly where you need to be. That's the best place for you now. Self care.'

I loved this! - Not a weakness because life is too big and hard. A strength. 

Another member said, ' My life is endless oblivion, I'm so lost & devoid of meaning all the time.'

Her response, "Funny you see this as a bad thing."

This particular counsellor doesn't have all the answers. She sees the negatives too, but she challenges herself to outwit herself!

Anyway, getting back to the philosiphising. Debates etc. Let's say we all work on a 1000  puzzle pieces. After months of frustration, collaboration, arguing, laughing, meltdowns, & exhilaration, connections, doubt & knowing, finally the puzzle is complete. We all stare in awe at our combined efforts. A silent moment, sacred & shared only for chosen few, in this particular space & time existence. In this final moment of completion we are One. We experience & know what it feels to be one. Comradery. Solidarity. Not a word needs spoken.

Soon.. very soon.. It happens.. Empty. One cell. Ignore. Multiplies. Harder to ignore. Empty - getting hard, . to ignore.

The mind says - ok.. What's next? 

The months preceding, pouring souls into real meaning. Distant, relatively meaningless. Notched to life experience, memory. Fact? No. Perspective, illusion, it was real.. Was it? Precious memories. I never really got that phrase to be honest. 

A debate for another day...!!

 We gather, in awe, in our greatest moment of glory.  Together, we achieved the once impossible puzzle. From here on in, the path is clear. Clarity, success, completion, a joint sigh...praise be!

In the puzzle, I see clouds & blue sky. It's beautiful, don't you think?

You see a tiny cottage in the distance.

The next player sees a forest.

The next, a winding path in mountains.

The next sees nothing. (And that is ok too)

We begin sharing, discussion, arguing, discounting & learning, about the image we see. 

How on earth, could we have completed this puzzle together, when none of were seeing the same picture on the box?

Astounding. Confounding. 

Who knows the right image? Me? You? Wait.... Did the puzzle even exist, or is this some toilet paper buying frenzy...or choreomania🙂

Thankyou for the opportunity for me to share today's pearls.

Campfire talk? I wouldn't know. Autism is a wonderful mystery. Not that I have Autism. I'm normal. The world classifies this type of normal with a diagnosis. ....Whatever helps 'em.

🖐️

I don't know how to directly reply. I like reading, or not. Value..