Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Heartworks]

Good evening!

I think the topic tonight is a great one to explore. For me, the grief that comes with a diagnosis is tremendous because in some respects, some of our dreams die with that diagnosis. Things like how we thought it would all 'pan out' our hopes, how we thought we would be and what we would achieve. Those dreams are as individual as they are as a couple or even as a family.  There is a loss there that I don't think is really acknowledged and I think it's something that is screamed in silence. It does take a while to adjust. I don't know if we ever really get over grief, but for me, it's about adapting, changing and holding those ideas and feelings with the knowledge that I have the choice.....and it's okay not to be okay sometimes :$

[Mosaic]

Thanks for sharing @awe and @And-016 - for each of you, I am sure that was such a significant and difficult life experience to have walked though. It is great you have found The Compassionate Friends which I imagine would be a great way to give back to others who are struggling in a similar way.

I do want to address @Fatima's question from earlier today. But first I wonder if first you could share with us, what is the difference between loss and grief, and when can loss lead to grief? 

[Mosaic]

Hi @Shaz51 *waves* 🙂

[And-016]

When people think of grief the classic example is the death of a close family member, or a partner or a close friend. At The Compassionate Friends, we Support Parents and Siblings after the death of a child in their family. But we realise that grief extends far beyond these boundaries. People experience grief whenever something significant is taken away from us. The loss could be a person, a relationship, a pet, a hope, a place, our health, another's health, the carefree person we once were, a dream, a sense of safety or one of many other losses. Often there are multiple losses.Anything that changes in our lives as a result of the loss is a part of our grief process. Often we suffer a loss and don’t realise that we’re experiencing grief.

[Shaz51]

Hi @Mosaic

I totally agree @Heartworks with what you said ,how do you keep it going

[awe]

Thanks Heartworks. So many examples of loss and grief are not obvious or they're disenfranchised and not acknowledged. It seems to our members at The Compassionate Friends that "no one understands" until they talk to others who have been through a similar experience.

[And-016]

Yes, I agree. I didn't realise I had that dream until the person was gone.

[Fatima]

That must have been very hard for you to watch. 

[Mosaic]

And-016 I think that is definitely true that loss can come in many forms, beyond the death of a loved one. All grief is significant, regardless of the loss we have experienced.

For these other perhaps less obvious forms of loss, it can be hard sometimes to know if what we're feeling is actually grief. So how can we recognise grief? What does grief look like? 

[Heartworks]

@Shaz51   I think, you keep going one step at a time, one day at a time amd sometimes it's ten minutes at a time. Go easy on yourself, we are all doing the best we can at all times even though we might not feel like it at the time. Set little achievable goals - that can be anything from have a shower to answering the phone. 🙂

@Fatima I think an iPad sounds great. If electronic communication is better that might be the way to go. And know you are doing a magnificent job, with compassion and much love. You need to be commended for that too. 🙂