Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

From your research and client experiences @UNE, does hope tend to sit alongside fear?  It must be hard to live with the ongoing fear of another attempt.

[UNE]

@Former-Member hope and fear can often sit along the same continuum. Especially when we attach hope to certain goals (like a person getting better, or agreeing to access care, or plans to keep themselves safe) and then when those goals arent realised the fear that this is what life will be like can set in.

I think all the people that have commented here tonight speak about a plethora of emotions - anger, shame, guilt, fear, cutting off when services dont deliver, grief about the life people thought they would be having versus the one that they actually have and uncertainty about the future. I wonder if those online tonight @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Former-Member might share if hearing that others are experiencing similar emotions are helpful? 

[Former-Member]

Yes @Former-Member Carers Aust was carer targeted not generic.

I cannot remember who said this but I read that the installation of hope offers a path back to a sense of possibility in our lives when almost all seems lost. It is about relief, restoration and the chance one more to look forward - to wonder when we are in a barren place, what might be over the horizon (and to be given the strength and sustenance to keep putting one foot in front of the other in order to find out).

[UNE]

I'd forgotten about that reflection @Former-Member I think it might be the work of Irvin Yalom in terms of hope and psychotherapy. I think whats important for people to reflect on is what hope might mean for them, similar to the terms we use in recovery and mental illness. A woman I was interviewing last year, who lived with a complex mental health condition, said for her recovery was not returning to who she once was, but working out who she could be. Having said that, in the midst of trauma, it can be hard to find time to reflect on what these terms might mean. 

[Shaz51]

Well @UNE, @Former-Member 

when I was staying at the red cross unit, there was a book there about depression and other Mi and they had a site called the "SANE " forum

the day we came home , I came on to here with the questions I wanted to ask and even my husband wanted to post a question

The Forum has helped me sooooo much to help my husband and me as well as @Former-Member told me 2 years ago that "we as carers need to look after ourselves to be able to look after others "

[Former-Member]

It would be great if all those who joined us tonight completed the SANE/University of New England questionnaire. It's linked in the first post of this thread for anyone interested.  Any words of advice for those who give it a go @UNE?

[Former-Member]

We've been chatting in here for quite a while @Shaz51   I know it hasn't always been easy to follow that advice. 

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member@UNE - fear is very predominant in the aftermath of attempted suicide and it does reside along side hope. Grief is the greatest pain.....What helped me control fear and sustain hope was focusing on any good, no matter how small,  in days that followed - in any slight improvement, hoping my love and care would be enough.

For hope to be sustained and control fear I had to live "for the day" and "in the present". One day at a time doing my best and keeping busy. Thinking of the "what ifs", in the future will overwhelm. 

I could not of done it without some kind of caring and loving support. People going through this need more professional counselling, community support and most of all empathy and compassion. Unfortunately many keep away in fear of not knowing what to say and because of the stigma. The latter can have devastating effects on Carers.

[Former-Member]

II felt a plethora of previously unknown emotions, a lot of which were very uncomfortable.  I  was afraid, Mr D does not SH, each time he attempted, he had intent (albeit even if his plans were ill-conceived). 

He lost a lot of memory due to ECT, he does not remember a lot of what happened preceding his last attempt. He does not remember his other attempts.

The one thing that helped me come to terms with his attempt was that through personal research I learned that Mr D's attempt was a symptom of a major psychiatric disorder that was not adequately treated (sadly for some this happens even when adequately treated).

[UNE]

Thanks @Former-Member yes, it would be wonderful to capture the stories like the oens shared here tonight. Its important for people to remember that participation in the research study is entirely voluntary. If you click on the survey link on the home page we provide you with information about the study and where to seek help if you become distressed by your involvement. The study will be conducted over three years - in three stages; the first stage is an online survey of carers (via the link Suzanne discussed). This will be followed by stage two which involves face-to-face interviews between the research team and carers either via phone or skype or at SANE's office. The third stage is in the development and evaluation of resources (including publications and training) that could provide more effective support for carers - both family and non-family. We would be asking carers to tell us if the resources reflect your experiences. Thanks for inviting me in Suzanne.