Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[pip]

@Holly. While your mum is in hospital she'll be assessed and monitored regularly. Whatever her mental state is whether she has dementia or bipolar, her general attitude will be noted and her reluctance to accept AD's will also be noted. They will talk to her about her home life, her children and no doubt her aggression toward you and her father. When dad visits, they will note her behaviour toward him, they will be aware of her attitude to the staff and realize she could be 'conning' them for release. Everytime they talk to her, they take note of her behaviour, her aggression, her denial that everything is not her fault. They will note her willingness to blame your father. They will discuss with your dad the options available to him. They won't release her unless they're satisfied she is taking AD's as and when required. If they know she could be alone when she is released, this, too will be discussed. Your dad should be able to discuss with her Dr anything he is not sure of. In the meantime, take care of you and try to relax knowing dad and mum are being cared for. You did everything possible for them, your mum probably is unaware of your feelings so try not to take her aggression onboard. People with bipolar/dementia are quite often totally unaware of any aggression/hostile behaviour they display to family

[ivana]

@Holly,

Hi Holly.Hows your mum doing now?

Do you know at what age this all started happening?

Eg:was it around Menopause or before?

[Holly]

Hi Ivana. Thanks for your message. Unfortunately mum isn't doing well. It has only been a week, but Mum has made no progress. They had her on an Alcohold withdrawal scale and now have her on Medication for Bipolar. She tried to appeal the fact that she had to stay in hospital longer than the initial three days, but told her yesterday she would be there for another 2 weeks at least. She blames me for putting her in hospital and is constantly arguing with Dad and telling him he should be there. Dad has been present though when nursing staff and doctors have told her that I did he right thing and she should be in hospital receiving he right care. Hopefully the medication will start to take effect. I also wonder if they should or usually do an MRI of the brain. She complains of intense headaches but I believe that can also be a part of the Bipolar?

[Holly]

Sorry Ivana, I just realised I didn't answer your other questions. It is hard to say if it was around or before Menopause. She has been on antidepressants since her early 40s and has drunk a fair bit of alcohol aswell which she shouldn't be doing on her medication.

[pip]

@Holly. As you're aware drinking, plus alcohol abuse can be catastrophic. With the severity of the headaches, it could well be alcohol abuse withdrawal. Alcohol dependency can cause massive problems with withdrawal. The hospital may well order an MRI after they're satisfied the alcohol is not the cause of her personality changes. Have you asked the hospital to test her for brain tumors? These can cause massive headaches and this needs to be eliminated. They will monitor her medication, reaction to medication. They will monitor mood swings, alcohol withdrawal which can be severe. Menopause can cause severe headaches too. If she is menopausal, this will also be determined. The hospital will have to be satisfied before she is released that alcohol will not be made available if she is alcohol dependant. Your mum's blaming you is part and parcel of her non- acceptance of her illness. With bipolar or any MI, the person with the illness, never likes admitting to the illness. It's always easier to lash out and blame others rather than admit you have an illness, especially MI. MI carries a stigma.

[ivana]

Hi @holly,

Hopefully you can hang in there and be patient with your mum.Hopefully things will get better soon.

There's are links between Migraines and Bipolar Disorder and in addition sleep deprivation itself can cause migraines,paranoia and mood changes.

Some people with both Migraines and Bipolar Disorder have White Matter Hyperintensities upon scanning so the MRI would be a good idea (if you can the doctors to do it).

In addition,there's others thing such as Tumours(as mentioned),Endocrine Disorders plus other things that can cause both Headaches and Mood swings.

Has your mum described in detail the headaches(ie:the pain location,pain type,when they happen,any triggers etc)?

Has she mentioned any other physical symptoms such as tingling feet,palpitations,weight gain or loss or anything else?

[Cat2]

Hi Holly

I hope you dont mind me asking but how are things now?

After 54 years with a mentally mother, who is in denial, I dont know where to start.

Cath

[Holly]

Hi Cath,

Firstly, so sorry that I haven't replied sooner, and I definately don't mind you asking how things are now going.  That's what this forum is about, to help each other through experiences and what we have learned from them and also others.

Things are now going really well.  For quite a number months, it didn't seem like it would ever get better, but it has, and is going really well.  My mother ended up being admitted under the Mental Health Act and tried to fight it numerous times.  She spent most of her time calling family and friends asking for help to get her out.  She was constantly referring to men locking their wives away so they could have affairs and "get rid of them".  This obviously didn't do her any favours in the hospital. She was very irrational, and my father and I had to answer a number of calls from family members who had received calls from her in a panic about needing to get out and asking them to get her legal help.  All these people called us about mum and agreed with us that she was in the right place and spoke of their own concerns and brought up scenarios that had worried them too.  She spent four weeks in the mental health ward, they tried three different types of medication until they managed to find something that worked without serious side effects (a huge bodily rash was one but that was ceased pretty quickly when the doctors saw it).  I stayed with my father for a week and visited mum a couple of times a day before I had to return to my home city.  When mum was allowed home visits and therefore access to her mobile phone again, I would receive multiple abusive phone calls and emails of how I had betrayed her and she could never trust me or anyone ever again.  This continued even when she was allowed to go home permanently, and at times, I was worried I would lose my whole family.  My mum seemed to be telling people that I had been brainwashed into calling the mental health service team to come to the house.  I couldn't even call my dad as mum would be checking his phone and she would accuse us of "colluding" against her. After about three months, things started to settle down and I received a couple of slightly civil emails saying that she had been "clearly unwell" and wanted us all to move forward together as a family.  In my mothers mind, she still doesn't believe she has bipolar, she thinks she has anxiety, and had A manic episode.  She has to continue to see the psychiatrists at the hospital for up to a year due to the legalalities of the Mental Health Act she was admitted under.  Hopefully she continues the way she is, there are still bad days, but it is easier to cope with that these days as we have the right medical support now and there are friends and family who are really supportive too.  

I can sympathise with you in how hard it can be to get someone to admit they have a mental illness, especially when some people still believe the stigma that used to (and sometimes still can be) attached to mental illness and that people are "crazy".  That was what my mother said when she was first admitted, she didn't want people to think she was crazy.  She now says she has a serotonin imbalance and has to have medication for it, just like asthmatics have to have medication to stay well.  I told her at the time when they admitted her that it is similar to a diabetic having to take insulin for the rest of their life, if they don't take it, they will be unwell (and potentially die), and with mental illness, if they don't take appropriate medication, they will be unwell too.  

What sort of discussions have you had with your mother?  Have you spoken to many health professionals?  The SANE hotline is also great for advice.  I rang them many many times and they always gave good advice and reassurance.  There were so many times I felt it was all a lost cause, but reaching out to others for advice and help and is the best thing you can do to help your mother, (and yourself).

[Annieb_67]

 I joined Sane this afternoon in hope of finding some comfort from others going through the same things. After reading through your story, it has given me hope that one day my mother may be "normal" again. Thank you.  We are going through similar circumstances but I just cant bring myself to make that phone call. I'm glad to read your mother is doing well, fingers crossed it happens to mine one day too.

[Holly]

Hi Annieb_67,
I'm glad that reading my story has given you hope. It is a very difficult time and making that call is one of the hardest thing I have had to do, but I don't it regret and if given the time over I would still do it. This time last year mum was in the hospital wouldn't talk to me. Now, we are looking forward to Mum and Dad's visit at the end of the month and I have had quite a few lovely trips to visit them.
Don't hesitate to talk about what is happening and ask for advice. I also found it helpful calling the SANE hotline on several occasions. The support from others is invaluable, especially during a time that can make you feel as if it nothing will get better and you feel so alone. You are not alone and people are really willing to help. All the best and don't hesitate to reach out.