Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Struggle101]

My partner gets suicidal when I share my voice about struggles for me in our relationship. I get shut down from having discussions about what I need in the relationship because I don’t want her suicide to be my fault. Does anyone else have this issue? I feel trapped at times 

[Melbcoffeesnob]

Hi @Struggle101 

I can see that you're new here, firstly, welcome to the forums I am so glad that you discovered your way to this supportive community amongst the Sane forums.

I can hear you have been finding things difficult with your partner's feelings of depression. You sound like you care about your partner, your partner is really lucky to have a good support system like you.

Does your partner see a counsellor or Psychologist?  It would be great if they could keep the conversation going in there journey of recovery. 

I also recommend contacting the Sane counseling team. By engaging via phone or chat the counsellors can provide advice and support, please contact them either via telephone at 1800 187 263 10 am-10 pm Monday to Friday.

I hope that you find ideas, options, and support from the shared experiences and knowledge of all our members. This is a safe space to share and express your feelings, struggles, and experiences without judgment.  

You are not alone in this.

[limitlessluvmor]

Hi @Struggle101 

I just experienced this for the first time this morning. I can imagine that you are feeling very overwhelmed by that kind of response to your needs. 

I don't know what the right thing to do is, in fact when the above happened I called a crisis line for counselling for him, but despite my efforts he did not want to speak to a counsellor. Instead I spoke to the lovely person who answered the phone. He reminded me that I have to take care of myself. He also suggested that encouraging my partner to spend time with his his best friend or daughter would be good people to take the load off me and bring him joy.

I have a psychologist who is on holidays right now, and things have been tough over this period. We aren't communicating very well - we have had too much to drink and lack sleep. Every conversation is emotional.

I do feel trapped. I can imagine that most people would in your circumstances would as well. 

You've done the right thing reaching out because you need to know you aren't alone. Thank you for your post, it reminds me that many people are in the same boat. 

After I sought help this morning and we spoke about it - I reminded him that he may feel better if he saw other people. Tonight he is with his best friend and later this week we will have his daughter over for a sleepover with a friend. Which means, I can cook and clean and take a bubble bath. 

This won't always happen the way we want it to, but maybe taking care of some of those wounds by giving yourself what you need you can find a bit more strength to find the path forward. 

[Shiki]

Hi there,

I hope your manging ok during this tough time, it sounds like its very confusing for you to know what to do and you may feel stuck because of it. First of all thankyou for reaching out to this community everyone here is so supportive and is a friendly group of people, There was another post response here with the Hotline number I recommend giving that a call if you feel you need to. The situation is Definity complex and it cant be easy to have a partner struggling like this and then you feeling like you are not being listened to and acknowledge with your feelings and thoughts either, the most important thing right now is YOU, you have to take care of yourself, im sure your concerned for you partner but she sounds like she is in no frame of mind to work with you if she is going to threaten suicide with you everytime you try to express your opinions, t, have you suggested that you both try couple therapy together? make it about both of you seeking help or your wanting help and want her to come along to support you. Less defensive if you are not making them feel like your aiming anything at them. But take care of yourself, I'd advise you to take a step back and think about the situation with a different lens and ask yourself am i okay with how things are? if not what do you need to do in order to protect yourself? the answer may not be one you like but you cannot help anyone if your partner continues invalidate your feelings with threats of suicide and your mental health is then being affected so please i encourage you to seek out further support from the helpline here and from therapist if possible. If there is immediate danger of your partner actually self harming please call the police and get her some immediate help. look after your self first.

[Struggle101]

Thank you for your reply and suggestions. My partner does have a mental health team and has had mental health struggles from CPTSD for decades. It doesn’t seem to get any easier. This is the first time I have reached out to any forums, I mostly carry this on my own. So am grateful to find a community that may be able to support me in some way. 

[Struggle101]

Thank you for sharing your story. It does help knowing that we aren’t the only ones going through this. I really appreciate you sharing your personal story and suggestions. My partner doesn’t have any family close by or friends that really understand complex mental health issues enough to be helpful when days are really dark. It’s exhausting being the person who has to keep it all together and keep them safe. I hope things are improving for you this week. Sending hugs 🤗 

[Struggle101]

Thank you! 

[tyme]

Hey @Struggle101 ,

How are you going? I just wanted to check in with you.

[Struggle101]

Thank you for checking in with me. I’m doing ok thanks. My partner and I had some good conversations over the weekend about our situation when she wasn’t activated.